It's a Wonderful Life

I was just listening to this radio program in which a woman with a disability of some sort told the story through a translator of her first romantic relationship and how in retrospect, it had been really valuable to know that someone could see past her disability and perceive her as a smart and sexy woman.
I found myself listening and thinking jadedly that this man must have been taking advantage of her in some way...and whether he was or not isn't the point. The point is that I had difficulty accepting that anyone could see past such a profound disability. I had a hard time seeing past this woman's disability. This realization was of course, immediately followed by a real sense of gratitude for the health and uncompromised abilities of my children. Then thoughts flooded me about the disparity between all the things we wish and hope and fear for our kids in relation to the things that are really significant. I will get right to the point...my own gratitude for having been blessed with such wholly strong and beautiful girls was suddenly eclipsed by the worry that someday my daughters might not be so lucky. Now that I am a mom my worries are so different from what they used to be...many the things that seemed so important to me and to my parents are now moot because my happiness is inexorably linked to the happiness of my own kids, and therefore, it seems crushingly overwhelming the idea that no matter what I do to keep them safe and warm and protected and loved, someday they may choose to bring another child into the world and that child's happiness and health will supercede all of the comforts I will have (presumably) worked so hard to secure.
Now, this is not supposed to sound as fatalistic as I made it out to be...I guess I am in the midst of a Chris-piphany or something, but it's all just so miraculous and I am so happy for my parents that my brother and myself are as we are so far (if I may be so presumtuous) and that my kids are as they are so far...
I am wishing lots of happiness and good health to all this winter and a merry Christmas too.