Triplings

Why not?

I love Easter. I like the the manageable amount of craftiness it demands and the color palette that accompanies it. I thought why not put some thoughts down?
This year Easter was extra budget-conscious because the restaurant we run to make our living is closed to flatten the curve. One thing E. Bunny did include, though, were three hand-sewn calico face masks. The kids were delighted- and not because they need to go anywhere or see anyone but because they're kids and they don't seem to see the masks as symbols of fear or uncertainty. They just see cute fabric and I think it's even possible they actually appreciate a handmade gift, even though I don't make things very often. Their paternal grandma made them the most adorable little crocheted bunnies also, and they totally smitten. It is really ironic that while I was feeling sad about not creating more extravagant baskets, the kids seemed genuinely relieved and pleased by the modest collection of goodies. As someone who can sometimes feel like I have to outdo myself every year, this was a really good lesson.

If I had thought about it a week ago or more, I think I might have had some more thoughts about the virus and this current way of living but, more and more I don't want to think about the actual virus. I don't want to speculate about numbers or hot spots or the partisanship or the end date. I want to think about Other Things.
Jason and I seem to agree that the only thing that has been consistent for the last four weeks is a sense of "ups and downs." One minute I am working in the garden and thinking about groundcovers or walking the dog and making a shopping list. The next minute I will feel so tired I just have to lie down and watch old episodes of Columbo or Poirot or take a nap. I have actually been wondering if that's my normal state of being and perhaps I am just more accomplished at "pushing through" when needs must. Well eff that! Needs mustn't right now and I'm cool with it.
We learned this week that school will be online only for the remainder of the year. For us, this is not terrible news but I sympathize with those people who have 5th, 8th or 12th graders in their houses. Leaving a school without saying goodbye seems likely to leave an open wound for some. I wonder if it will be possible to have big outdoor parties over the summer where people can say these goodbyes.

Not that I have to justify anything (or maybe I do) but this post is definitely more rambly than I would like but I'm just getting my feet wet again so I'm going to let it slide. I feel I should include more about the actual triplings themselves, but as we are all 10 years older than in my previous post, it's not easy to find a starting place.
Things that haven't changed since my last blog entry in October 2010: All three still like drawing, books, candy, music, playing with friends, dinner time, cartoons, animals, cold weather, being cozy, taking walks, jokes, being right, sleeping in the car, audiobooks, imagining being a grown up and living alone, going to the library, getting out of town and french fries.
Things that have changed: All three now enjoy shellfish, coffee, Harry Potter, baking unsupervised, being first to shower, sleeping in, buying things with their own money, scary stories, video games, volunteering and complaining about how loud their sister is chewing.
None of them longer enjoy large parties, gardening, trampolines, going to the dentist or doctor, walking or riding bikes just for the fun of it, sleepovers, tidying up contests, bubble baths, the zoo, facepaint or grocery shopping.

All Aboard the Kindergarten Train!!!

The title of this post, all cutesy and positive also reflects a strong feeling of moving ahead, whether I like it or not. The train is now leaving the station, will I put my kids on it or will I be seized by my underlying urge to pack the family into the minivan and escape the seemingly unavoidable task of Letting Them Go?
I know they are ready (as ready as anyone ever was).
I know I am ready (as ready as anyone can be).
This is the custom, right?

Today is what the school calls the girls' "staggered start." They go for an hour and fifteen minutes only along with a handful of other kids and they get to play and visit and have a little walk around the school and then we pick them up. Friday is the first full day - six hours. Then next week its six hours, five days a week. That means that without exaggeration, I will have more "childcare" in one week than I have had in the last 6 months, maybe more.
I don't want to give the impression I am suffering from this. Well, okay, maybe I am just a little traumatized, but it's not like I have spent the last year begging the heavens for MORE time with my girls. My patience is tested. My nerves are ragged. My body is crying out for exercise and my brain is too. Without employing my powers of spin, I can still see kindergarten as a magnificent gift to me and the kiddos. I'm just getting cold feet a little bit.
I tell myself everything will be better: I'll be able to get all that boring stuff done during the day and then when the kids come home it will be fun, fun, fun! I'll never get grumpy or anything because I will have spent the day doing yoga and baking cupcakes, right?
Honestly, I can't even tell if I'm joking.
What I do know is that rarely, if ever, do things go entirely as expected. I guess my first task is to regain my footing because I want to step deliberately through this section of wilderness.

PS: Will do my utmost to put some pictures up very, very soon.

Fiddlers Three

Fiddlers Three
Originally uploaded by triplings

October 2009

It's a Wonderful Life

I was just listening to this radio program in which a woman with a disability of some sort told the story through a translator of her first romantic relationship and how in retrospect, it had been really valuable to know that someone could see past her disability and perceive her as a smart and sexy woman.
I found myself listening and thinking jadedly that this man must have been taking advantage of her in some way...and whether he was or not isn't the point. The point is that I had difficulty accepting that anyone could see past such a profound disability. I had a hard time seeing past this woman's disability. This realization was of course, immediately followed by a real sense of gratitude for the health and uncompromised abilities of my children. Then thoughts flooded me about the disparity between all the things we wish and hope and fear for our kids in relation to the things that are really significant. I will get right to the point...my own gratitude for having been blessed with such wholly strong and beautiful girls was suddenly eclipsed by the worry that someday my daughters might not be so lucky. Now that I am a mom my worries are so different from what they used to be...many the things that seemed so important to me and to my parents are now moot because my happiness is inexorably linked to the happiness of my own kids, and therefore, it seems crushingly overwhelming the idea that no matter what I do to keep them safe and warm and protected and loved, someday they may choose to bring another child into the world and that child's happiness and health will supercede all of the comforts I will have (presumably) worked so hard to secure.
Now, this is not supposed to sound as fatalistic as I made it out to be...I guess I am in the midst of a Chris-piphany or something, but it's all just so miraculous and I am so happy for my parents that my brother and myself are as we are so far (if I may be so presumtuous) and that my kids are as they are so far...
I am wishing lots of happiness and good health to all this winter and a merry Christmas too.